20 Best Chuck Norris Jokes

Posted by BISHOP on May 29, 2010 in Fight News | 2 comments

Our friend Marcelo Menezes from Factory MMA chilling with Chuck Norris at UFC 81 in Vegas. Chuck let him out of a headlock for about 20 secs to take this picture… then pulled him in the ring to entertain the crowd before the main event!

Here’s the 20 best Chuck Norris jokes we’ve seen:

• Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
• Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
• The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
• Superman wears Chuck Norris underpants.
• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
• Chuck Norris has the record for most girlfriends at once.
• Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
• Chuck Norris can melt fire.
• Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
• Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
• Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
• Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
• Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
• Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune. He was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
• Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
• If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
• M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
• Chuck Norris is suing NBC for their show Law & Order claiming it is the trademarked names of his left and right legs.